


Constants

by anicon



Category: Free!
Genre: AU, Adorable dorks, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Swimming losers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-31
Updated: 2014-05-31
Packaged: 2018-01-27 19:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1719548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anicon/pseuds/anicon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You see her, you can’t touch her<br/>You hear her, you can’t hold her<br/>You want her, you can’t have her<br/>You want to, but she won’t let you”</p><p>(AU in which Rei and Nagisa never grow as close as they do in the anime. Inspired by the song 'Auf Ache' by Franz Ferdinand, and the writing prompt 'graffiti')</p>
            </blockquote>





	Constants

Nagisa knew that some things would never, ever come to change. He could distinctly remember the graffiti on the back of the old swimming club building, alongside the murals coating the front. Although they were probably lying in a landfill, but they still had the remnants of the paint on them; they were memories of happy days long pushed to the back of his mind. As well as his family life, he knew they too would keep the typical pattern they always had. His sisters would still tease him, his parents still encourage him and push him to try harder, and he would respond as he had always to each: by politely and cleverly avoiding his sisters, and trying his best to please his parents. This was what Nagisa had always believed. Constants, like the building, the family, school, and even most of his friends would never, ever change around him. And he was most positive he himself wouldn’t change all that much as a result.

It takes a sort of left wing contestant to throw someone’s life out of whack. Maybe a new boss whose personality was utterly opposite to your own, or a teacher who turns what you’ve learned and gives a different approach. To Nagisa, Rei was none of these. Looking back at the newly recruited member’s first week, no, longer; to his very first encounter with him, Nagisa didn’t particularly see why it was Rei who seemed to be throwing his balance off. There wasn’t a reason he had in mind why he wanted Rei on the swim team at all actually. Obvious reasons, like being on the track team, therefore having a well-built body, and frankly being one of the first people he ran into in the hallway were good reasons; Nagisa didn’t think they were quite the reasons he was looking for. Maybe they weren’t even the reasons he had asked Rei at all. Honestly, Nagisa knew he wasn’t the type to catch on or use logical thinking in most social scenarios. People would probably say he ran head on into things and probably didn’t give things a second thought. For the most part, yes, that was very true. In a case like this though, Nagisa knew there had to be some sort of logic…ness…behind it. Because he didn’t really want to say he had pick rei solely on looks. That wouldn’t make him look very good. It would also possibly make him a little flustered, because when it came down to it, that was the reason. Possibly. There were more reasons, like the fact Rei’s name was equally girly as everyone else’s and the fact he made things hard for Nagisa. Which made him try harder. It finally sunk in that he had picked Rei, essentially, based on looks and looks alone, and Nagisa’s chest and head hurt at once when he tried to determine how that made him feel.

By the time the first competition had flown by, Nagisa felt himself swimming in self-doubt. It wasn’t the way he swam at practice, it was a gasping, reckless kind of stroke, the kind he had never done. He could feel his lungs filling with water, bursting at the seams, until he was sure he would black out. And it was all Rei’s fault. Day after day he would pine for the younger male’s attention, making every attempt to grow closer, like he said he would. For the most part, he found it to work. Rei had warmed up, the gentle pink on his cheeks complimenting his deep periwinkle locks, and the red frames trapping his eyes. When he lit up, Nagisa thought a lantern had lit up the room. Alright, perhaps that sounded a bit cliché. But it would be an utter lie if Nagisa said he didn’t remotely think things like that whenever Rei was around. It was only so much he could persist that classes, besides history, were boring. It was only so long he could convince himself simple male hormones drove him to wonder what lurked beneath Rei’s swim trunks. There wasn’t anything he could do to change it; it would be just another constant. Because like hell he was going to tell Rei he loved him. There was no fucking way he was ever going to know how much Nagisa thought about him. How much Nagisa had come to realize he needed him. Certainly, Nagisa wouldn’t tell a soul how many nights he had caught himself in violent, cracked-voice sobs that filled the entire room when nobody was awake at night; or how often he had wished Rei – the first new person he had befriended at Iwatobi – he was madly in love with him and wanted to kiss every inch of his body. Because certainly Rei wouldn’t want to. Who would? Nagisa made every attempt to hold back his emotions during the school day- because like him, they were bursting, and drowning him from the insides now.

Everything up until the end of their first year seemed like a blur. Their almost disastrous camping trip, the entire ordeal with Rin, and finally, their last competition before summer. It went by faster than Nagisa could keep up with, and didn’t leave him with time to even think straight. His back and forth bouncing thought process left him confused, yet satisfied. He noticed he cried less. In contrast, he hurt nearly twice as much as the tears that had left his body. He was sure he couldn’t anymore, that the tears that had left him and made his head ache were enough for a lifetime. After the competition was the night he remembered he had cried the most, until the night before graduation. Rei- who had felt so detached- did the most selfless thing Nagisa could have thought of in that situation. He had screamed muffled yells into his pillow that night, accompanied by tears that soaked his pillow with every ounce of longing he had ever felt for Rei. Because if not then, now, he knew Rei was the only one he would ever feel so strongly toward. And that thought was enough to break him. But like many things in his life, he would have to accept it as a constant. And it was going to stay that way until they both left Iwatobi, and probably wouldn’t see each other. It would be less painful for Nagisa that way. And maybe if he was lucky, he’d eventually forget about Rei. If he was lucky.

Graduation. That was today.

Nagisa had calmed himself this morning, and made sure he would stay that way. He was to stay composed and calm, to smile and giggle his way through that day, like every day. No matter what Rei did or said. Nagisa wasn’t going to confess- he had been through the consequences already- but instead give his wishes to Rei. It would then go as usual, and life would go on. What Rei did romantically would be no concern of Nagisa’s, and that would be final. He’d get over him no matter what, even if he collapsed from the weight of his emotions.

After the graduation reception, Nagisa was full of refreshments and happiness. Everything went well, smoothly, and Nagisa couldn’t have asked for a better valedictorian speech from his classmate. As he took note of the darkening sky, he walked down the path out of the school for the last time that year. As he walked, he heard footsteps behind him grow louder and closer.

“N-Nagisa! Nagisa-kun!”

The voice was instantly recognizable, and Nagisa jolted around upon hearing the first syllable of his name being called. It was none other than Rei, the boy he was supposed to forget about.

“Nagisa! I have something for you!”

Nagisa let out a shaky exhale, and waited for Rei to catch up to him. “Y… yes Rei?”

Rei looked down with an earnest smile. “Nagisa-kun, I want you to have this.” As he said that, he pressed a button into the palm of Nagisa’s small hand, and exhaled. ”Please accept this.”

“Rei-chan…” he said in awe, noticing the middle button of Rei’s school jacket was missing.

“I mean- you don’t have to, I- just thought you-“

“Rei.”

His voice was harsh and louder, and it was tinted with a bit of desperation, almost pleading.

“Y..yes, Nagisa-kun? Is- is something wrong.”

“Rei-chan, give that button to someone you truly love. Not me. I’m not the one who deserves it most.”

It felt like a stab in the heart, and he wished he had run full speed to the train instead of taking his sweet time. Maybe this would never have happened, and the embarrassment and gut wrenching sickness he was feeling wouldn’t have hit him.

There was a long silence, and Nagisa could hear the sound of Rei’s lips parting to reply, his breathing slowly speeding up.

“N…ng…na..gisa…”

Nagisa had prepared himself for an afternoon of bittersweet farewells and partying. When he got home, hell, he had no idea. What he hadn’t prepared for was Rei. This whole entire time, really, he hadn’t prepared for Rei. Certainly not this, however. Anything but this.

“Nagisa, it’s you. It’s always been you. You’ve always been the one I considered precious. I’ve always thought you were beautiful. So fucking beautiful! I couldn’t stand it any longer. I just had to tell you god dammit, you’re the most attractive and kindest person I’ve ever met, and I don’t know what to say around you. I just can’t fucking stand it anymore. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’ve only loved you more since I got to know you more and more. So listen- I know you’d never love a loser like me- but I can’t stand holding it in anymore. Nagisa, I’d explode if I did. You’re perfect. And amazing, so fucking amazing. I know you don’t like me in that sense, and I’ll never see you again, but please- please Nagisa- just accept it.”

It was about two whole minutes that Nagisa stood there, on the paved path, one he was sure was never going to walk back up. He tried to think, after processing Rei’s sob-filled declaration. He wasn’t in control of the crack of his voice calling Rei’s name, and the waterfall of tears he was sure he had cried out the night before. The only thing his body knew how to do was run to Rei, and latch on to him in a hug so tight Rei stepped back in order avoid falling. He cried hard into Rei’s chest and dug his nails into Rei’s back. For the first smelled Rei- a comforting, warming smell that filled him, and he pressed himself closer. Nagisa’s brain tried to form coherent words, to express everything he had been so afraid to say. For the first time, he looked- really looked- into his violet eyes, now glossy and wet, and made out some sort of declaration of his own.

“I love you, Rei. You’re amazing.”

With that, he felt himself pulled into a deep kiss, and Rei’s arms wrapped around his neck. The kiss was long and passionate, and Nagisa gave everything he had been holding back for four years into it, and he felt rei do the same. Eventually Rei broke it, and pulled the shorter boy in. “Nagisa, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Nagisa gave a relaxed, calm giggle. “I think I figured that out, Rei.”

Rei rested his forehead on Nagisa’s, and planted a small kiss on it, causing Nagisa’s face to redden. He traced Rei’s chest carefully with his index finger, and hugged him again.

“Don’t go, Rei.”

“Why would I go, Nagisa?” he said, smiling wider as he spoke. “I am your responsibility, right?”

Nagisa’s eyes widened, feeling tears well up- this time, lighter tears of joy, and nuzzled Rei’s chest with his head.

“Of course. You’ll always be my responsibility, Rei.”

Rei glanced down at Nagisa shocked, before giving him the softest smile Nagisa had seen on any human being. Slowly taking his hand in Rei’s, he looked at him eagerly.

“Can I… um… stay at you place tonight?”

Rei flushed, before chuckling. “I hoped you would ask”

As Nagisa slowly drifted off on the train, he thought a bit. His life thus far had been full of things he had always known. Things he had known forever, until Rei arrived. It was as if a weight had sat on his chest and made it heavy, then suddenly lifted itself off. And just when he was sure he’d have to rip Rei out, never mention him or see him again, he’d become what Nagisa had always wanted- a constant. This time, a constant Nagisa was sure would be permanent. His sisters would still tease him, he would still remember the old swim club building, but now he had less of a burden on his shoulders. And he had Rei. For the moment, that was all he needed. He wouldn’t be afraid. Shifting his weight to press more against Rei, he felt a hand stroke his thick blond hair. Rei may now be another constant, but Nagisa knew he himself had changed. And he couldn’t be any happier

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the first Reigisa I've felt confident about posting in awhile. I've always found the idea of these two not growing close or rubbing off on each other quite interesting.


End file.
